Too much time has passed since I last wrote. I’ve made some big decisions, met some incredible people, and lived some remarkable experiences. Where do I begin??

About six weeks ago, I met with two different teams of breast and plastic surgeons, who had been referred to me by my girlfriends, all pleased as punch with their new, beautiful cancer-free breasts. The first team was in New York City at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. I couldn’t sleep one wink the night before my first consultation. I felt like an over-anxious five-year-old on Christmas Eve, awake all night with too much excitement and anticipation. By the time my alarm sounded at 5:30am, I jumped out of bed, threw on my pink wardrobe, and was ready to go within minutes. The day had finally come when I’d meet with a breast surgeon and discuss how a sharp metal scalpel could release me from the shackles of hereditary breast cancer. I want nothing more than to be set free, and this doctor held the key.

The doctor greeted me with a big, warm smile and a firm handshake. I was afraid she’d look at my young face, grimace and begin drilling me on my decision. But she never questioned me, not once. In fact, this esteemed breast surgeon said it made perfect sense so long as I felt comfortable. I guess comfortable is one word for it. Ecstatic, anxious, eager, and excited are word that constantly fill my mind.

Signing my consent for a double prophylactic nipple-sparring mastectomy. How good it felt to make this decision for myself, on my own terms, without cancer breathing down my neck. What an empowering experience to save your own life!

And that morning I felt so comfortable that I eagerly signed off my consent for the surgery the minute she left the room. January 10, 2010 would be the day when I’d wake up from a four-hour surgery, still groggy from anesthesia, and realize that I’d done it. I’d beaten off breast cancer before it ever had a chance to rear its ugly head. I can only imagine the pride that I’ll feel, knowing that I saved my own life. I’m smiling just thinking about it!

The following week my mother and I met with a breast and plastic surgeon at Georgetown University Hospital just to get a second opinion. I live only minutes from the hospital and used to volunteer in the breast surgeon’s office, so I figured it was worth a shot.

It was love at first sight. Dr. Shawna Willey had me the moment she walked through the door. As Director of the Betty Lou Ourisman Breast Health Center at Georgetown University Hospital, Dr. Willey has a fair amount of experience as a breast surgeon underneath her belt. In fact, she performs well over 100 mastectomies every year, and a decent number of these surgeries are preventative. Dr. Willey spent nearly an hour with me, discussing the different types of incisions she could make, the types of tissue she would be removing, and the setbacks and advantages to keeping my nipples.

My nipples was a sensitive topic. When I first decided to have the mastectomy, I figured I would remove my nipples because, heck, I might as well. If I was going to carry through with such a radical procedure with the sole purpose of reducing my risk, I should reduce every last bit of it that I possible could. I felt that by keeping my nipples, I would leave behind too many breast cells that could later turn on me with a vengeance.

Me meeting with Dr. Willey's *incredible* nurse at Georgetown University Hospital before the consultation with the surgeon. I was already loving the staff and their impressive expertise, as well as their doting attention!

But both the New York breast surgeon and Dr. Willey encouraged me to give my nipples a second chance. Dr. Willey said that she used to never allow her patients to keep their nipples, that the nipple-sparring procedure was at first considered blasphemous in the medical community. But she’s done her homework over the years and feels that it’s a perfectly safe, acceptable option, especially for someone as young as myself.

When Dr. Willey presented the case for my nipples, I felt nothing but relief. I was willing to remove them and reconstruct a new set, but I really grieved the thought of parting with them. Unlike my breast tissue, my nipples have always been with me, even as a little girl. By removing them, I was making one more sacrifice to this battle against my genes. I was willing to do it, but it made me happy to think I could keep this intimate piece of me and still sneer in the face of breast cancer. Hah!

The plastic surgeon, Dr. Spear Scott, was equally impressive. Dr. Spear spent another hour with me, drawing on my breasts, showing me the incisions he could make and the reconstructive benefits of each. The incisions the doctors make at Georgetown University Hospital are slightly larger than those made at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York. But I’m not willing to risk it, seeing that I have enough risks already. If Dr. Spear thinks he needs a larger incision to get out as much breast tissue as possible then that’s what we’re going to do!

This was the first time I had seen and felt a silicon implant – the same kind of implant that may eventually give me breasts again!

Dr. Spear also discussed a few of my options for implants. Here’s the thing, I want my breasts to pop afterthis. If I’m going to remove my breasts and endure months of reconstruction, I want the sexiest, perkiest boobs in the market. They may look fake, but that’s because they will be. I’m not one to put on pretenses anyway. I can’t wait for the final product!

Now I’m left to wait. Dr. Willey and Dr. Spear’s offices do not allow anyone to schedule surgery until it’s at least three months out. Since I will have the surgery in January, I have a good three months to wait until I can mark a date on my calendar. In November, I’ll meet with both doctors again just to solidify plans and procedures. Then it’s show time.

I wonder how I’ll feel in those few remaining months leading up to the surgery. How will I feel as I walk into the operating room and lay myself down on the table? How will I feel when I wake up to realize that I’ve actually been set free, that I’ve defied my destiny and can go on living my life? How will it feel to be normal, like so many other women, and not live with breast cancer constantly looming in the near distance? How will it feel to rescue myself and become my own greatest hero? Will I ever be afraid again? Will I live my life differently, more courageously and boldly?

I think the greatest gift that we can give in life is inspiration. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. And, through this process, I’ve inspired myself on so many occasions to take that risk, go on that date, create new relationships, and to keep dreaming big, because I choose life.

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